A Grave Sin/ Signing Off

While watching the Patriots vs. Giants game I witnessed one of the greatest commercial atrocities in the history of the universe. It turns out that the wonderful song by The Books for which this blog is named has become a part of the Hummer H2 ad campaign. I would say that the Books have sold their souls, but they really just sold a song. I suppose I'm glad they're making money cause they sure as hell don't sell many albums. Still, the Hummer H2 is quite possibly my least favorite modern device and it's a shame that some people may associate "Read Eat Sleep" with the H2...


For the past month I haven't been up to much. Steph visited for my last week in Scotland and many fun times were had including: camping in 20 degree weather on Loch Ness, golf lessons, hiking, touristing, walking, driving, and eating. There are lots of stories so please ask if you have any questions.

I'm home now which means this blog has met its end. Thanks for reading.

-MF

Edinburgh and Music

Went to Edinburgh with David last weekend and had a blast. Joe missed his flight. Oh well. We climbed Arthur's Seat, the highest point in Edinburgh, and David got blown off by the wind. R.I.P. David.

But seriously, the wind was strong and David ALMOST got blown off. We also saw a semi-nude man jog by, no joke. Later that night we went on a ghost tour of Edinburgh and got the shit scared out of us...literally. I didn't bring a change of underwear so it was quite unpleasant to walk around Edinburgh after the tour. Eventually we slept in some smelly girl's room that was out of town. The end.

If you're at all interested (thought I don't expect you to be), I've come up with my top ten albums of the year :

10. Liars by Liars - Much more listenable than Drum's Not Dead, but much less innovative. Nonetheless a fantastic album.

9. Neon Bible by Arcade Fire - Not as good as Funeral. If you disagree with me then you're wrong...end of discussion. Poor production quality hurts these otherwise phenomenal songs.

8. Spiderman of the Rings by Dan Deacon - Easily the weirdest album on this list. For some reason Dan Deacon's geeky-ass music avoids being cheesy, which is quite a feat. Wham City and Pink Batman are two of the best songs of the year.

7. Friend Opportunity by Deerhoof - Further solidifies Deerhoof as one of the best bands of the past decade. It seems they can do no wrong.

6. Hissing Fauna Are You the Destroyer? by Of Montreal - Works equally well as a collection of singles and as an album, which is quite a feat. Best live act at Pitchfork as well. Oh, and I figured out the answer to the the title, it's "yes"

5. Mirrored by Battles - Damn this album rocks my socks off. That's all I can ask for really. I love the part in Tonto that's all like "da da da da da da da, da na na, da na na"

4. Boxer by The National - 'Mature' music. This album seems meticulous yet completely effortless. I can tell I'm getting older because I love this shit.

3. Strawberry Jam by Animal Collective - WTF???? I thought Matt hated Animal Collective?? I do, kind of, but I don't hate Strawberry Jam. In fact, I like it quite a bit! Bonefish.

2. Friend or Foe by Menomena - Fucking spectacular album. I never would have guessed that it could be topped by another album this year until a certain band released a colorful album.

1. In Rainbows by Radiohead - duh

Honorable mentions - Cross by Justice, Cease to Begin by Band of Horses, Year Zero by NIN, and the middle third of Our Love to Admire by Interpol.

Thanks for reading!

Amsterdam

Amsterdam was a particulalry ridiculous city. We get there and Peter an I decide to get some dinner. While discussing what we want to eat, some restaurant owner ropes us into his Italian joint (haha) and sits us down at a nice table. He immediatley orders our waitress to serve us free garlic bread because we looked like 'nice guys.' I was somewhat confused about what was going on. He then asks us if we like the waitress. "Sure," I say, "she seems nice." With a ridiculous grin on his face he raises his eyebrows and said, "You want?" "Want what?" I replied in my state of retarded naivety. "Do you want her?" said the man. "No thanks," said Peter while kicking me under the table in a 'what the fuck is wrong with you' kind of way. Peter then explained the birds and the bees to me and I was disgusted.

After that we did the typical Amsterdam things: Anne Frank house, Vondelpark, Rembrandt house, coffee shops, red light district, etc. One of the highlights was eating at Wagamama and then drinking the finest beer in the world at the Gollumn Inn.

On the last day I had one of the strangest experiences in Europe thus far. We were walking past a pack of about 70 school children who were on their lunch break. One asked me where we were from and I told it we were American. Suddenly, seventy pre-teens began making vomiting noises to express their distaste of America. I never felt so hated.... : (

Back now and all is well. Raisin weekend is coming up which means nothing to most of you, but it should be a good time. Take care everyone.

Brass Eye

the epitome of British humor. If you're bored then take a look.


Drugs

A Little Over Half

Hello fans. Reading week is here! I'll be going to Amsterdam on Monday in order to inhale marijuana smoke, consume hashish laced confections, have sex with diseased prostitutes/animals, and visit the home of Ann Frank. I'll tell you how that goes when I get back.

For now, I can finally offer some seasoned insight on how to 'deal' with St. Andrews. First, let's get something straight: St Andrews is a thoroughly boring place. So why are there so many people here enjoying themselves, including me? I've come to realize that there are three methods for the prevention of boredom induced suicide:

1. Get a car - This way you can actually leave St Andrews. This is the most uncommon method because gas is expensive and you have to drive kind of far away in order to escape the ominous bubble of boring that covers the east coast of Scotland. Plus, this may interfere with method #3.
2. Play Golf - Golf is a highly unrewarding, yet time consuming activity. There are approximately 7.8 million courses within a 5 miles of town. Pick one.
3. Get Drunk! - Alcoholism is, by far, the most popular method of averting boredom. Everyone here is drunk. All the time. All 500 people in residence hall are drunk 24 hours a day. My professors teach drunk. The school children sip flasks in the morning and are wasted by recess. Even the old people are drunk, which is weird.

I know you're asking yourself, "What method does Matt prefer?" I've actually learned to mix all three. I spend most of my time driving around town drunk in a golf cart. It's a blast.

MTV

Easily the two best music videos of the year (sorry Justice). But which one is better? You decide ----------->

Evil Bee
Peacebone

7 beats per measure!

this is actually kind of funny


http://youtube.com/watch?v=KwWGZaGHrxU

33% Complete

Well hello again. Thanks for tuning in. This past weekend I traversed the Scottish country side by driving northwest into the Isle of Skye. Before I talk about that, it may interest you to know that a tragedy-turned-opportunity struck this weekend. I was playing golf on the beautiful Strathyrum course when I uncharacteristically missed the fairway and hit my ball into the heather. Some little Scottish dwarf yelled at me, saying that I was slowing play despite my hasty playing style. I pulled my trusty 5-iron (remember the clubs I bought for 10 bucks?) and executed a perfect stroke. Instead of resting the ball on the green, it lay motionless as the head of my 5-iron went sailing away. I started to cry because my club was broken and the gimpy Scot started laughing at me. I stopped crying like a bitch and threw my headless shaft like a javelin, impaling the grumpy Scottish midget who really had it coming.

It was a good round.


The trip to Skye was great. I will post pictures on facebook soon that will describe the experience much better than I could with words. It was a thoroughly "outdoorsey" trip with lots of hiking, scenery, nature, and other semi-gay stuff.

On a completely unrelated note, I had one of the most unexpected conversations in Scotland this afternoon. Note-the following conversation actually did happen.

300 pound Texan wearing a 10-gallon cowboy hat and speaking with a thick southern accent: 'Scuse me
Me: Yo
Guy: Yall got a school in this town?
Me: Well yeah...University of St Andrews, its kind of a college town?
Guy: Why you doin' all this book learnin' when you gots golf to be played?
Me: haha...... (courtesy chuckle)
Guy: .... (looks puzzled)
Me: ....
Guy: You a methodist?
Me: No, I'm Jewish
Guy: You're the one's always knockin' on my door!
Me: I think those are Jahova's witnesses
Guy: Who are the Jews then?
Me: We killed Jesus
Guy: Oh right! Well, keep up the good work!
Me: Will do
Guy: Adios
Me: Bye........fuckin weirdo

ICHTHBAO

This album is probably the most accurate aural representation of Scotland's "feel" (except for the second track, which is long and kind of ugly).

Trains suck

Just returned from a fantastic little excursion to Dover and Kent. Two life changing experiences were a direct result of this trip: 1) Starburst now makes a candy called "choozers," which is a Starburst filled with sour/sugary ooze. These little pieces of heaven combine the classic flavor of Starbursts with the advanced goo-infusion technology of Gushers. I love them like crack-cocaine. 2) I now know that it is possible for me to function (though somewhat poorly) with 2 hours of sleep in a 72 hour period.

Aside from perfecting the art of looking retarded in every picture taken of me, my time this weekend was spent at various estates and castles belonging to the National Trust. We saw Dover castle, Winston Churchill's home, the estate of Virginia Woolf's possible lesbian lover (see dialogue below), and the mansion of some rich guy from Connecticut. I also got to see France, a deer farm, secret tunnels, a cannon, and lots of old furniture (and people).

Tour Guide: This is a splendid 14th century carving of a Tudor rose with a beautiful stain and meticulous--
Me (interrupting): Is this the room where Virginia Woolf banged that chick?




Oh yeah, and we took an overnight train to get there and back, hence the title of this entry and the reason for life changing experience #2

UPDATE!!!!

"In Rainbows" is a breathtaking album.



(I know it's only been 5 min from my last post, but I see the light now)

Videotape

When videotape was unveiled live last summer, it was poised to be the greatest song ever recorded by Radiohead. This fact will undoubtedly make Videotape the greatest point of contention on "In Rainbows." After my first listen I was grossly disappointed. No climax, strings, craziness, or infinitely sustained reverb. Just some subtle percussion that seems rhythmically abrasive. As the song closes it becomes quite choppy and spastic (like an old videotape?). I've never really thought, however, that what the music represents takes precedence over aesthetic pleasure. Aural metaphors aside, the final product is so unexpected that I can't help but listen to it on repeat. Does that mean it's actually a good song? Well I don't fucking know that yet! I may never decide if I like it or not, but I'll certainly keep listening to it.

As for the rest of the album...well...it's gonna take a while to digest. I CAN say that this is certainly Radiohead's most cohesive album since Kid A. The album as a whole is certainly much better than it's constituents...I think. Actually I take that back, I'm listening to it again right now and 15 step, Nude, and Arpeggi could all stand on their own. Same with All I Need. Fuck, I guess they can all stand on their own. I suppose that means it's a good album??? I'm still trying to get over the shock of hearing Radiohead's sound transformed into acoustic semi-breeziness. Did Radiohead go all Sky Blue Sky on us? No. The conventional aspects of the album are curbed by subtle and (sometimes overwhelmingly) bizzare textures (i.e. Videotape).

Other comments:
- The album took me like 20 seconds to download. How did they do that?
- All I Need kind of rips off Roygbiv.
- If that's Ed singing in the background of Arpeggi then it's easily the greatest musical moment in Radiohead history.
- Videotape is weird.

Cough Coughing

Hi everyone. I haven't been feeling well this past week. I have spent many hours on the Web MD symptom checker trying to identify my illness. Despite the lack of any professional diagnosis, I have narrowed it down to either Mononucleosis, Mad Cow disease, Bubonic Plague, or Micropenis syndrome.

I haven't kissed anyone (nor am I weak like Tony and Diego), I haven't eaten beef, and my penis seems fine. I can, therefore, deduce that I have the plague, which means this may be my last post. I love you all.

Aside from the minor setback of my diminishing health, things have been swell. I've been playing a lot of golf, hanging out with cool people, and searching for good deals. I bought a full set of used clubs with a bag for 10 bones! I'll talk more when I feel better.

Me: I've been coughing a lot
Web MD: Is the cough productive?
Me: Very
Web MD: Is there a white or yellow discharge?
Me: White
Web MD: You have a sinus infection and you've been drinking too much milk
Me: I hate milk and never drink it
Web MD: Oh.....then you have the Plague
Me: really?
Web MD: yep
Me: dang

This picture makes Neko Case look approximately 20 times hotter than she really is

One Week In

Quite a bit has happened this past week and I would very much like to share it with you. I am living in a predominantly freshman hall, so the whole experience has been a blast from the past: plenty of bad guitar playing, squealing in the halls, tickle fights (at least that’s what it sounds like), poisonous sink water, runny yogurt, residence hall sponsored drinking events, fried candy bars, and helium inhalation*. Aside from these typical freshman shenanigans things have been quiet. St Andrews is a small town that is completely overrun by the university. There is a “bad” part of town that has “crime,” though I’m fairly certain that means there was once a singular crime in the history of St Andrews that happened to occur on that particular block. The “locals” are rumored to exist though I haven’t really seen one yet. There are lots of squirrelly old people that wear gigantic sun visors despite the permanently overcast sky, but they look like tourists to me.

There are surprisingly few Scots as well. I did meet one guy from Glasgow who came on to me after I accidentally flirted with him. It was quite a fiasco that ended in false hopes and broken dreams. The dialogue went as follows:

Me: I still haven’t gotten you a drink

Guy: Ya know wha’ else yoo haven given meh?

Me: What?

Guy: Yer Number!

Me: Hahaha

Guy: ……

Me: ……

Guy: ……

Me: …………….I’m not gay

* I’m not sure if the guy I hear talking in the halls sucks helium all the time as a joke or if he has an abnormally high voice. Either way, I find his idiocy/misfortune hilarious.

Dehydration, Kilts, etc.

This will be the first "official" entry into my travel blog. The other two were unofficial posts designed to attract a large fan base before the real deal.

I'll tell you my story in parts along with dialogues that may or may not be entirely accurate

Part I. The planes

There isn't actually much to tell about in this section. I was initially distraught because I feared my seat did not have a video screen to watch movies. Luckily, a heroic Pakistani man (who was actually Mexican according to his landing card) asked the stewardess how she expected to entertain us if we didn't have movie screens. The stewardess revealed a hidden compartment in our arm rests that stowed n tiny retractable screen.

More importantly (as this detail will carry over into the next two sections) I had the brilliant idea of eating two packets of raw salt in order to prevent frequent bathroom use. I angrily refused any beverage offered and demanded more salt:

Stewardess: Can I interest you in a glass of water?
Me: Is it salt water?
Stewardess: Well, no.
Me: FUCK OFF THEN!

Part II. The rest

I had a 6 hour layover in London. About 2 hours into it I became extremely thirsty. But alas, there was not a single water fountain in the airport. I had no money so buying a bottle was out of the question. When I got on the plane for Edinburgh I was severely dehydrated. My seat was upgraded to Business Class due to the senility of some old lady who took my original seat. In Business Class, the wine and spirits flowed like water, but water didn't seem to flow at all. I asked for water and the steward looked at me like I was insane. He deliberated with the staff for some time and eventually came back with a glass of lukewarm water that I'm fairly certain came from the bathroom sink. The UK are weird about water.

Part III. The end

I arrived in Edinburgh and found that the entire Scottish news media was there covering some rugby spectacle. Moreover, all the players were wearing Kilts and looked super badass. After an uneventful train ride I arrived at St. Andrews and fell asleep. I got up and had lunch with a goofy Malaysian named Calvin who was like Ray but taller.

Me: What's all the fuss about?
Lady: Rugby....are you ok? You don't look so good
Me: I'm fine, I just had a bunch of salt.
Lady: Huh?
Me: ...
Lady: ...
Me: So this is Rugby you say?
Lady: Yeah
Me: Is Grinney here?
Lady: Who?
Me: Matt Grinney?
Lady: Stop talking to me
Me: Ok

H2 -> H20

The BMW Hydrogen 7 may prove to be the most significant technological advancement since the iConcertCal application for iTunes. Fusing a traditional combustion engine with the power of liquid hydrogen, BMW has manufactured the world's first vehicle that emits nothing but fucking water vapor. The overall ecological advantage of the Hydrogen 7 depends entirely upon the means of creating liquid hydrogen. If liquid hydrogen is created using coal powered electricity, then there is no significant advantage. If, however, liquid hydrogen can be harvested by renewable energy resources, then it looks like we may be on the cusp of an technopolitecological (sp?) revolution!

The Hydrogen 7, of course, has many flaws including high liquid hydrogen costs and inefficient storage technology. Germany's top engineers and ecologists have pointed this out repeatedly (though for some reason they all seem to work for Volkswagen, BMW's main competitor in the European car market). Still, I think BMW has its head in the right place.

Peace,
-MF

Well hello

So this is my web log. I was going to name it "motherless bastard" but I'm not really a fan of paradoxical profanity. This will be the main means of keeping everyone up to date while I am abroad, though chances are there will be many divergences including film, music, and film music reviews (though certainly no musical film reviews). OK bye.