Dehydration, Kilts, etc.

This will be the first "official" entry into my travel blog. The other two were unofficial posts designed to attract a large fan base before the real deal.

I'll tell you my story in parts along with dialogues that may or may not be entirely accurate

Part I. The planes

There isn't actually much to tell about in this section. I was initially distraught because I feared my seat did not have a video screen to watch movies. Luckily, a heroic Pakistani man (who was actually Mexican according to his landing card) asked the stewardess how she expected to entertain us if we didn't have movie screens. The stewardess revealed a hidden compartment in our arm rests that stowed n tiny retractable screen.

More importantly (as this detail will carry over into the next two sections) I had the brilliant idea of eating two packets of raw salt in order to prevent frequent bathroom use. I angrily refused any beverage offered and demanded more salt:

Stewardess: Can I interest you in a glass of water?
Me: Is it salt water?
Stewardess: Well, no.
Me: FUCK OFF THEN!

Part II. The rest

I had a 6 hour layover in London. About 2 hours into it I became extremely thirsty. But alas, there was not a single water fountain in the airport. I had no money so buying a bottle was out of the question. When I got on the plane for Edinburgh I was severely dehydrated. My seat was upgraded to Business Class due to the senility of some old lady who took my original seat. In Business Class, the wine and spirits flowed like water, but water didn't seem to flow at all. I asked for water and the steward looked at me like I was insane. He deliberated with the staff for some time and eventually came back with a glass of lukewarm water that I'm fairly certain came from the bathroom sink. The UK are weird about water.

Part III. The end

I arrived in Edinburgh and found that the entire Scottish news media was there covering some rugby spectacle. Moreover, all the players were wearing Kilts and looked super badass. After an uneventful train ride I arrived at St. Andrews and fell asleep. I got up and had lunch with a goofy Malaysian named Calvin who was like Ray but taller.

Me: What's all the fuss about?
Lady: Rugby....are you ok? You don't look so good
Me: I'm fine, I just had a bunch of salt.
Lady: Huh?
Me: ...
Lady: ...
Me: So this is Rugby you say?
Lady: Yeah
Me: Is Grinney here?
Lady: Who?
Me: Matt Grinney?
Lady: Stop talking to me
Me: Ok